Hey guys, I'm sure you've been told about these before, but if not, check out

www.thelowdown.co.nz
www.youthline.co.nz

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Wow. Its been so long since i last wrote in here!! Like Years!

Things have chnaged dramatically.
SO DRAMATICALLY.

One thing i stress on is the underlying fact that depression did not leave for me. Its still there. I moved cities, changed schools, everything i possibly could change surrounding me, i did. In some ways it helped, but the underlaying of it all i realised, was siitting here in my head.

Its like trying to run away from debt. You can change houses, change jobs - yet you are still going to suffer the frustration and stress of the change that really needs the attention - your habits. Running away or hiding is the key to suffering in that darkness, running away will always bring you back to reality - and hiding will only let you shiver and dwell in its darkness.

Since my last entry on here, i have rebelled in negative coping stragedies, that either took me back further than where i started, or worsened my situation. I made a HUGE mistake in turning to drugs for the hiding places and the running away to 'higher places'. It took the death of the person i fell in love with, to awaken my stupidity and face the real world. Fac myself.

I viewed life as 'shit happens' - until shit started happening.

I STRESS the importance of self help habits to be healthy stragedies. Cutting only led me to mutilation to a higher level, and the aura of someone who was 'special'. I bear the scars as punishment, i cant get away from it. Drinking will only drown your sorrows and sobering up is like hitting the wall of reality - you cant run from it. Marijuana took the streaming thoughts and anxiousness away, but replaced me with a unmotivated me with a downbuzz, empty wallet and countless debt from laziness and lack of importance.

The worst coping mechanism i took on, ruined my life, worsened my depression and took the life of the closest to my heart. It was a selfish decision and i struggle with the long term affects to this day. I thought coke would keep me happy, keep me awake - sabotage my eating ( im anorexic/bulimic) it did all, for a an extreme high price - not just literally. ANd there is no refund.

I guess i just want people to be aware, especially about drugs - it isnt a way to cope. I can be talking about prescription in the same way. Drugs are great to steal the present from you, put you to sleep or to make you feel invincible. Yet reality has a habit of returning - and when it does, the worlds darker, less enjoyable and your more likely to live in the drug ridden world till it eventually kills you.

Life is given only once.
Make use with it, dont use it.

Depression/mental llness resides in your mind. Like a drug. It can confuse you. Make you anxious. Keep you up all night. Reduce or increase your appetite. It can send to to dark places, bury you in thick heavy sand. It can twist your emotions and toy with your moods. And with immense overdosage, It can kill you.

Take control, get deep into yourself and ask why you must feel like you are. The meaning of life has no meaning without life itself.

Stay alive, stay focussed. Stop running away from yourself. If its in your head, only you can deal with it. Noone else.